Losing You Would Lose Me

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To everyone I appear calm, collected, as though I am positive I know the Truth, that I know You. I just follow blindly and easily it may seem. But the truth is, I’m not so positive about everything- in creation, in people, in my identity. I’ve tried so hard to give up on You so many times because to be with You means to be in a place of danger. There’s a real enemy out there, that I’m sure of, positive. I feel him warring against my soul, trying to enslave my flesh. But every time I try to loose You from my existence, I find I have none. To be without You, my Creator, means I have no existence, no identity. I’ve tried to live like others, tried to abandon You in my beliefs, tried to believe You didn’t exist. It never worked out. I ended up feeling so empty. I felt so dirty, guilty, and ashamed. I denounced my Creator, Redeemer, Savior, Love, and best friend. I had no purpose or meaning in my life because You were always just that. You are my purpose, my meaning, the whole reason I exist. To denounce You would be to denounce me because I find myself when I find You, the reason for my existence.