Ruined

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Look what I do to You.
What I continue to do to You.
I run away from You, my Love…
And You promise to never leave.
I’m so good at portraying a harlot.
I’m so good at loving little gods more than You.
I’m so good at turning my back on You after swearing I’d never leave.
And I’m tired of running from You.
I’m tired of trying to escape this kind of love ’cause I’m scared.
I’m tired of being scared of experiencing a love like this.
Maybe I’ve never known what true love is before…
But You continue to show it to me.
I’ve never known what beauty is until I saw Your valuable sacrifice.
Why would You do this for me?
I’m so undeserving.
I don’t mean to say that Your creation isn’t great,
But I’m definitely not what I should be.
I wasn’t made to be this way.
I was made to be the clay that You shape.
Why do I run away from You, Potter, when I wish to be the way
You wish to make me?
It all comes so naturally,
Running away from You like I do.
Why? Why don’t I just stay where I belong and let You finish Your sculpting?
I’m good at causing a ruin.
Am I a ruin?
Are You going to give up on me?
I wouldn’t blame You.
But just when I think You’re going to give up on me,
You put me through the flames, the sweltering heat.
But only because You love me.
I wouldn’t be everything I was created to be without those flames.
And now You’re trying to brand me with Your name.
“You’re mine. Forever and always, Jesus.”
Why do You love me so?
Why don’t You just give up on me like I deserve?
Why do You make me so fearfully and wonderfully made?
I am a ruin…I’m ruined by Your love because I can never repay.
When I found the One my soul loves, I held Him and would not let Him go.
I love You, Jesus.
I’m never letting You go.
No, no…I’m ruined by Your love.

-Last sentence in italics from Song of Solomon 3:4